In the syndicated television program “Charmed”, one of the main characters, named Leo was described as a “white-lighter”. I think many of us here on the planet today might recognize our Selves and many others, as modern day white-lighters Who are we? We are You: sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, neighbours, friends, average men and women found in every walk of life, in every region of the globe White-lighters, are people who choose to see the “light” even in the darkest of places, who choose to look for meaning, for beauty and even the miraculous in the most ordinary mundane and even the most painful of places and spaces.

Beautiful Pain. Painful Beauty. That’s what happens when we take away the judgment. It is what it is, whatever it is. Anxiety softens, pain releases. We don’t hurt because we have done something wrong. We don’t hurt because we are “bad” people. We hurt because we are human. Lightworkers, choose to to believe as Leonard Cohen said best: that it’s through the cracks, that the light gets through. Lightworkers choose to be courageous enough to allow the vulnerability that ultimately invites Grace into those tiniest, deepest, most estranged places in our hearts and souls and bodies and minds.

Movies like “What the Bleep” and “The Secret” and “The Huckleberry’s” are cinematic attempts to invite more people to Wake Up to the miraculous in the mundane. Poets like David Whyte and Mary Oliver do the same. We are invited in every moment of everyday to wake up, to the power of our thoughts and feelings and how those same thoughts and feelings impact our experience of everyday reality. The good news is of course, that although we can’t always change people or situations, we can change our relationship to and our attachment to current thoughts and feelings about that person or situation and that is where the “magic”, an invitation to the miraculous begins!

It is seeing the world less as a mechanistic prison that traps us in sets of circumstances, be they health, finances, or relationship for example and more as an energetic dynamic that we can participate in. The irony here. it seems is that we all come into the world with an energetic “blob” we might call, abandonment, or betrayal, or jealousy for example that predisposes us to habitual patterns. Barbara Ann Brennon, former NASA physicist describes this bad habit, or negative energy blob as a “frozen time conglomerate” in her hugely popular “Hands of Light”, textbook on healing the human energy field.

Opening up to the magic, to the energetics, the Light in our lives is opening to an opportunity to experience our bodies, relationships, and even our finances as an expression of our deepest sacred imaginings and the lack thereof. And no one is judging our creation except we ourselves. Who is to say what I need? What if my exhaustion or my illness is offering me opportunities to open to my deepest sense of possibility. What if I have been so caught up in the mundane experience of my reality I have had no catalyst, to invite me deeper into the mystery. I can rail against the illness, the grief and the fear. I can also ask it to open me to my heartsongs that would have otherwise gone unheard, and unsung.

We can all choose to be “white-lighters” in our own lives. Magic and Miracles are seeing possibilities in places that we didn’t’ perceive possible before. Once the “earth was flat”. Architecture, politics, religion, reflected this two dimensional “truth”. Then came Columbus. He didn’t fall off the edge of the planet. There was a paradigm shift. We are living this paradigm shift again. The big secret is that no matter what happens to us we always have choices about how to think about it. And the good news is, we can choose again, and again and again and continuously open to ordinary miracles that await. Like the artists, and poets, and healers who have come before us we can choose to look beyond the illusion of “absolutes” and delve deeper into the texture and purpose and colour and meaning of our own mundane miraculous lives!

Will you join me?

Bright Blessings !

Winter Solstice has just passed. The darkest night of the year. The end of the earth’s long exhalation that began at the Summer Solstice. Will it ever end? This diving deeper and deeper into the dark. Finally the Pause. The Stillpoint. The S P A C E between the breaths…, the Seasons, the daytime and the night.., The S P A C E , the place between the DARKNESS “AND” the LIGHT. The SPACE where ONE cannot exist without the Other. The “nothing”-ness between the breaths. The “empty” place where silence is LOUD, AND then…, the hint of the next inhalation……………..,

I dated a medical doctor once. Because I “taught” breathing, he joked. What’s the big deal about the breath? We are all born breathing. “Yes”. I said. “I know”. AND, “that is just the beginning”…. “There is a treasure chest waiting” for each one of to discover, to re-member and our breath “is the key”!

Sometimes it feels like the darkness is all consuming…. that death will win. That Nothing is all there is. Sometimes it feels like this darkness will torture us. Make us go deaf. Blind. Speechless. Steal our soul. Sometimes it feels like there is NOTHING we can do about it. Whatever the “it” is in our lives…. Sometimes there is NOTHING we can do about it. Sometimes, there is Nothing we can do. Sometimes, there is NOTHING.

Perhaps, that NOTHING, as scary or as lonely as it feels, has a HIGHER PURPOSE. What if our breath, the rhythm of our breathing had this Gift, these teachings to share. What if Breathing were the divine vessel of “Love in Action”. “Love in Motion”. What if our breathing, it’s sounds and rhythms and silences, the inhalations, the exhalations and the spaces, pauses and the stillpoints between, were God/Goddess/All That Is’ gift of hope, of healing, a map through the chaos, a divine GPS.

What if the NOTHING space between the breaths, were teaching us about the power of accepting ourselves in this moment. What if this “NOTHING” were God’s way of calling on us for some kind of acceptance, divine embrace, as momentary as that Nothing might end up to be. What if the rhythm of our breathing provided a real experience, that Nothing, IS part of something that can change us if we let it. Some bigger rhythm, some bigger teaching, some bigger pattern. Some bigger Love, some bigger Grace space.

What if the NOTHING is the space between the somethings, the fullness, the known, the habits, the taken for granted patterns. What if NOTHING, was God’/Goddess/All THAT IS’ gift of RELIEF.

I am grateful for the space between the breaths. I am grateful for the relief. I am grateful to know that empty and full are divinely connected. I am grateful to remember that darkness will not last forever. I am grateful beyond belief for my breath. I am grateful for this gift that I did not have to ask for. I am grateful for the many gifts my breaths continue to bring! I am grateful to breathe with the Earth as she breathes her rhythms of the days, and the weather and the seasons. I am grateful for the alchemy my breath invites.

Relax with me now in this seasonal stillpoint as we make ready to receive a lusciously inspiring fresh breath in…, all the way to Summer Solstice.

Peace and Bright Blessings!

Wow.  Nine years since I left Plateau-Montreal and moved to the “boonies”.  Nine years since I left my little bohemian neighbourhood, filled with artisans and musicians, a multitude of languages – French, Portuguese, Greek, Chinese, and English.  Our neighbourhood was full of Students and Professors from local universities and colleges, McGill, Concordia, Universite de Quebec, Universtie du Montreal,  Dawson College, Champlain, and more.  Film crews regularly invaded our streets, turning them into movie sets.  International bike races, marathons, and special events closed our streets on a bothersome basis.  Walking, and cycling became the  transportation modes of choice. 
 
Sounds of cars and buses, voices, and languages, filled the air, with sporadic musical interludes strumming and drumming and humming out of windows.  Stairs lined the streets, filled with people and flowers.  There were no backyards or lawns to mow or two car garages with men drinking beer sitting inside them in lawn chairs.   The neighbourhood was juicy with a diversity of age, livelihoods, cultures, languages, and fashion statements, from outrageous to couture.  Diversity nourished my senses, my spirit and my imagination.   I blended into the rich tapestry of my world.

Twenty years passed and I had begun to long for my “soil”.  I was missing the smell of the earth and proximity of trees.  I longed to make a fire in my own yard.  I longed to lay on the Earth with my face to the sky in my own backyard.  I was homesick for green and a little fresh air…….,
 
Nine years later, I live under a sky chalk full of stars,  I have two places to make fires outside. One for big bonfires, and one closer to the house to  delight my senses on a cold winter’s day.   Nine years later, I have to drive a small tractor to cut my grass; shovel heaps of snow, and drive everywhere I need to go.  My home lies smack in the middle of two small town centres, 15 km apart. I think these towns share six stop lights between them!
 
Nine years later draws me to a place, an inner space, of self-reflection.  Numerologically speaking, “nine” is a number that “always turns back to itself” – a revelation right there….. “1 x 9 = 9; 2 x 9 =18 = 1 + 8 = 9″; “3 x 9 = 27 = 2 + 7 = 9″; “4 x 9 = 36 = 3 + 6 = 9″ etc.!  

“Nine” represents, how endings and new beginnings are intimately wrapped up  in each other.  It takes nine months for a baby to be born.  “Nine” represents the archetype of “The Hermit”.   The Hermit has to come back to him/her Self in order to come back out into the world anew, a little more connected back to Self.  Nine years later and the pendulum has swung from one extreme to another.    I live in the boonies, rural not urbane.  Tractors pulling hay, slow my ride down on the way home  from work.  No roller-bladers and skate boarders flying at me in the wrong direction on St. Laurent Boulevard!   Racoons, long dead, line the sides of the roads, so common place they become part of roadside landscape.  White-haired folk with Western European backgrounds, usually, English, Scottish, Irish, Germanic and Dutch are my diversity now.  Toronto retirees are the new-comers to this rural land of dreams.
 
So this sound-healer, spiritual psychotherapist, trained in yoga and got a job in the community with seniors, to begin my life a-new.  Sound and healing have taken a back seat for a while, while I transplanted my roots in this rich rural soil.  I grew myself a home, two large dogs and two new felines, some gardens, and all the while feeling a bit like a bright red flag in a  landscape of pure-white.   Divorced, educated, working woman, no children, no grandkids, no “man” to whom I am married.  All of these ‘factors’ have painted me “too much”  and a “foreigner” in this earthy new land.   Ironically I  realize I am perceived as “too much”by people that have tried to keep me much, much too small.

Meanwhile, the pendulum has swung, from living urban bohemian lifestyle to black & white postage stamp small.  People my age are grandparents now!  I was the married one in Montreal thinking about babies, among a variety of “situations”.  Now I’ve become the one to be mindful of. Dangerous even.  Don’t talk too long to anyone’s husband…. Stay small to stay safe with self and others.  Fascinating sociological study.

So look out world.  A new cycle of ‘nine’ begins as I am soon to be 49 and I arrived here about to turn 40.  About to celebrate seven cycles of seven years, living on our grand and wonderful planet!  Ready to integrate the rural world of black and white with the rich kaleidescope of bohemian colours into the next cycle of life to be born. If I felt red before on a landscape of white, well red it is.I know who I am with nothing to prove.  There are a lot of great gifts to be opened as we grow older.  I intend to dare to live large, to simply be my Self, before I die, out loud, in downtown boonie-land. 

Bright Blessings.

What’s your orientation?  And I’m not talking about sexual orientation. I am thinking about how we orient our day.  Do you orient your day from the inside out, or, from the outside in?    In other words do you orient your day from the question:  “What do I have to offer this person or situation”? Or do you orient your day asking:  “What does this person or situation need from me”? The former question encourages balance.  The latter ends up draining balance.  It has been suggested by those much wiser than me, that the world could be balanced tomorrow if we all oriented our Selves to honour the question what is that I have to offer in “this” moment, right here, right now without judgment.

Instead of learning to “listen to our bodies” we have been conditioned to spend great amounts of time and energy trying to figure out what someone else needs from us.  What does my boss want?  What does my husband need?  My kids?  My dogs?  My neighbours? My church?  My team? My class?  Etc., etc.,   Generally speaking, our orientation isn’t inwardly based at all.  The focus of our inner directives has been transplanted outside ourselves.  We spend a lot of time wondering:  What do “they” (parents, kids, employers, girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives) want from me?  And by extension, we are in the habit of believing that the answers,  the guidance, and the solutions to our “problems” can only be found outside ourselves – at the doctor’s or therapists, or home decorating magazine, or kid’s channel or the mall.  It keeps us shopping and going to the “experts” to navigate our selves through myriad challenges that arise in a day.  The promise of the outward focus is that you will love me, approve of me, reward me, protect me and prevent me from ever being alone.

Meanwhile, there are real consequences when we forget to ask ourselves what, in fact, do I actually have to offer? Women for example, have higher rates of bladder infections than men because we have been taught not to interrupt, to be polite and wait… even if it hurts.  More heart attacks happen on Mondays than any other day of the week.  As kids we’re not taught to trust our guts. Instead we are told to respect our elders, even if our internal radar is screaming “creep – run away”!  We are constantly encouraged to push through and often past our limits, resulting in a variety of stress-induced illnesses from migraines to stomach ulcers, heart attacks, and compromised immune systems.  North American employees pride themselves on not taking their vacations.  Are we nuts?  Maybe just a little.

I remember a former client of mine, who had had a nervous breakdown in a country in Africa.  Some years later, she came back a mother of three, married to a man who hated her culture and religious background, wondering why she was wishing for another breakdown.  She couldn’t figure out what her husband or his family wanted from her?  Her only escape, or so she believed, was to go back to the hospital with her headphones and magazines for a little reprieve.  She had nothing to offer other than her presence at that moment in her life and struggled to believe it was enough.  Breakdown, break-THROUGH.  Know that if what you have to offer is your best, in any given moment, whatever it is or isn’t, it’s enough.  You’re enough!

In the spirit of play, try it.  Remember to pause, breathe, reflect and ask: What do I have to offer today? It may only be a gesture, a smile, a glass of water.  How wonderful.

I played hostess this week to more than one hundred people at a community picnic.  To say this was a capital-“C” – “community” effort would be a giant under-statement!  Volunteers were coordinated to do myriad tasks.  They helped solicit donations from musicians, businesses, farmers, churches and community members. Volunteers donated their time and dollars to help cook, bake, store, serve and deal with all kinds of food preparations.  They helped us acquire community space, tables, chairs, tents, set-up crews, servers, all our supplies, a giant B.B.Q and B.B.Q-ers, clean up crew, and a myriad of door prizes.

On the one hand, it is a truly amazing experience to watch a ka-zillion efforts weave themselves into one overall successful event. On the other hand, coordinating such an occasion is also incredibly stressful.

I didn’t sleep for the week prior to our capital-“C” community affair with nightmares of forgetting something or someone, mostly of forgetting that one disastrous unforgivable scrutinized detail that could trigger the vile of small town politics.

I came to my yoga class later the same night, tired, exhausted and greatly relieved this stress was behind me without persecution.  Four of my favourite yoga students, students I consider my friends and teachers were present.  We shared, breathed, stretched, and enjoyed the peacefulness our shared meditation-in-motion inspired within and among us. 

At evening’s close, one of the women, smiled a sigh as she was leaving – “I love my Yoga community”.  Wow.  It’s not that I didn’t think of our yoga class as a sacred circle because I do.  I guess I just hadn’t taken the leap to the word “community” because I work and volunteer so much in the capital “C” – Community.  How could this little word conjure such a range of experience from one of total scrutiny to one of total acceptance?

The dictionary defines community as “people living in an area”.  Many small towns would agree with this definition.  If your DNA isn’t stamped with the name of the town, you may not be welcome.  Community is also defined as “society in general” and perhaps, my own understanding, is where the dictionary defines it as “feeling part of a group”. 

 In yoga the word for community is called “satsang”.  I love the word because it sounds fun and I am visual:  we   “sat” together and our hearts “sang”.  Satsang ideally is an experience of creating a safe place for people to come together and support each other –quietly.  It is a safe place to love and explore our Selves and Others.  At its best, it definitely aligns with the dictionary definition of “feeling part of a group”.

There is something empowering and strangely clarifying, about exploring your Self and having your Self witnessed in a safe and sacred space while holding that space for Others to do the same. It is also both precious and empowering to know you and I are part of something bigger, some bigger Circle that we affect and that affects us.  The Community of the Earth.  These chosen “communities” are good training to take “off the mat”, into everyday life.  That is our real work.  God help us all!

We are just in kindergarten with this thought that we “create our own reality”.   I can’t help but feel this teaching is ultimately humbling, hopeful, energizing and a doorway into more magic and mystery!  As much as we recognize universal patterns we can never really know the Great Mystery.  It’s the GREAT Mystery for a reason.  This Mystery keeps us watching, learning, questioning, searching, appreciating, discovering and re-discovering all of her magic and wonder and everything that we have ever learned on whole new levels and layers in fresh and wonderful ways!    This Great Mystery invites us through infinite doorways to re-discover compassion and wonder.  Ironically, the more I open to this Mystery, the more I am aware of my frustration with spiritual fundamentalism.  It’s not just the so-called religious fanatics that practice closing their hearts in the name of knowing “the” truth about spiritual teachings.

I remember feeling so sad when two friends of mine who were going through chemotherapy at the same time, would walk arm in arm and tease each other:  “if you were only more positive you wouldn’t have cancer”.  They then, had the good sense to laugh.  Would the Great Mystery, the Creator, God/Goddess/All That Is, your Guardian Angels, or your Higher Self, judge and close their heart to you so righteously like that?  Not even ever!

You and I are a part of this Great Mystery, even when we find ourselves feeling unwell, out of balance, or on death’s door-step.  Death is not a failure, nor is it a punishment for wrongful thinking.  Who knows if I am to live a full life in ten years or 100?

What if, the universe is so loving she only knows the word “YES”!  I am so smart.  Yes. My illness is a blessing.  Yes.  My illness is my fault.  “Yes?” she asks.   What if death is a part of my journey but it’s sooner or later than I had planned.   “I love you” she says.

Our bodies are the best spirit guides I know.  What is your body trying to tell you?  If someone’s words, or your own words toward yourself, steal your energy or make you feel bad.  Listen to your body and tell them to stop.  If they tell you “this teaching is for your own good”,   change lanes, walk away.  This is not the person to share such a precious message with you.  This is not the time.  To everything there is a season – trust that!

You deserve to feel good, respected, energized, enlightened, empowered, and peace-full.  And, others deserve that same compassion from us.  Be wary of those who use life-changing teachings as politically correct slogans to judge you or another persons’ journey.  Life-changing teachings are meant to inspire, uplift and empower our compassion toward ourselves and others.   They are meant to help us understand that we are a part of something bigger than ourselves.  Is it really, “all about me”?

The essence of the teaching “we create our own reality” seems to encourage empowerment and compassion through an awareness of “choices”.  This teaching reminds us that we do indeed have choices every moment of every day. I can’t always control what happens.  I can however, choose my thoughts, my responses, my actions. My new choices may not cure me, and they will absolutely empower me.  They will absolutely help me heal, and to know, I can choose again, and again.  Hopefully, as I make more conscious choices, I will choose thoughts, actions, responses, friendships, and teachings,  that inspire me to be a more compassionate person.

Sometimes I feel like a preacher, a priestess.  I choose to act on my passion here.  “Be very wary of closed hearts”.  No one gets to hurt you or to judge you because “it’s for your own good”.  We are all on this great magical Mystery-tour together.  Your pain is my pain.  Your joy infuses my joy!  As you dare to open your heart, I find my heart opening too.  So Cool! There is so much magic waiting right here, right now.   And no one is keeping score.

“It’s ok, we’re just in kindergarten”.